Dirty Text Message Jokes

Are you looking for Dirty Text Message Jokes to share with your friends? Not only do we have them but you can send them as SMS messages for free using the Cell Freak's Free Worldwide SMS service. It works with nearly every carrier in every country in the world, and is totally worth checking out here.

The dirty jokes are after the jump, but if you're easily offended, remember we called these text messages dirty for a reason!

* Murdering your wife isn’t a crime of passion. Premature ejaculation - that's a crime of passion.

* How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

* What’s a male chauvinist pig? A guy who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

* How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

* Why didn’t the flasher retire? He decided to stick it out for one more year.

* How can you tell a head nurse? She’s the one with the dirty knees.

* Why is air a lot like sex? It's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

* What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.

* What’s the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until you're 14 to cum on your face.

* What’s the different between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather… kinky is using the whole chicken.

* How do you know you’re at a bulimic bachelor party? The cake jumps out of the girl.

* What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

* Why is a penis the lightest thing in the world? Even a thought can raise it.

That's pretty much it, though if you have your own Dirty Text Message Jokes, feel free to add them in the comments!

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Funny Quotes

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.
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When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.
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Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.
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Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
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The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
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Best Love Poems

I loved her for that she was beautiful

I loved her for that she was beautiful;
And that to me she seem'd to be all Nature,
And all varieties of things in one:
Would set at night in clouds of tears, and rise
All light and laughter in the morning; fear
No petty customs nor appearances;
But think what others only dream'd about;
And say what others did but think; and do
What others dared not do: so pure withal
In soul; in heart and act such conscious yet
Such perfect innocence, she made round her
A halo of delight. 'Twas these which won me;—
And that she never school'd within her breast
One thought or feeling, but gave holiday
To all; and that she made all even mine
In the communion of love: and we
Grew like each other, for we loved each other;
She, mild and generous as the air in spring;
And I, like earth all budding out with love.


I Am Not Yours

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love, put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

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Dirty text messages

Students of 5th class asked teacher:
can we have kids?

Teacher replied :Never
Boy said to girl :

I told you not to worry

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A Couple was sittng in tha Garden,Suddnly a Dog and Bitch came and start kissing Boy Janu agar Tum Bura na Mano to Me bhi Grl Ok ok Theek hay but Zara Smbhal kar kahin Kutta Tm ko kat na le.


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We are continuously adding new sweet, cool, cute, best mobile txt, msgs, fwds, and Dirty Text Messages forwards messages. Just read the new Dirty Text Messages and send it to your friends or other people. We are sure that you will like Dirty Text Messages. So please subscribe by email or bookmark this site for daily updates !

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Love Poems for Her, a Valentines day messages

Collections of my favorite positive, romantic, and easy to understand love messages for your special someone this Valinetines.
1. Funny how things can change so drastically
For I admit that I never used to trust
The thought of letting someone close
Only left me feeling sick with disgust

Hiding emotions with brutal sarcasm
Making sure my defense was in place
Never letting true emotions show
For I carefully hid my real face


Then that one day you came along
And suddenly I realized I could fall
Tried to keep emotions secret'
Cause I knew that I'd want it all

Was so scared that you'd hurt me
Like everyone I'd trusted before
Now finally realizing I was wrong
For you're everything I want and more

2. Far away, miles apart; Smiles within our hearts.
From a distance shadows appearcause our love displays our true wish to be near.
Distant "I love you's" I can hear,weeping internally.
Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.

Days, months, years, I'll never depart.
Moonlit nights, bright sunny days, shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile.
Oh, how I'd do anything.
My nose grows cold for you.

I keep a part of you with me,deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everything...
Far away, miles apart; Soft tender kisses await.
I hear your voice and all the darkness disappearsfor love will always break the chain.

I'm staring upon the moon tonight,wishing you here with me.
My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everythingFor you.

For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me, deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...
My nose grows cold for you.

I keep a part of you with me, deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...
For youFor youFor youFor you

Inspired by the song, "Weak in the knees" by: Serena Ry

3. Say all the words you want baby
But I'm not breaking down
Your words just bounce right off me
My tears are nowhere to be found

You and I are over
That's road's already been paved
And it's too late for you to realize
What we had could've been saved

Now that your girl dumped you
You say you know how I feel
But don't expect my sympathy'
Cause you caught the raw end of that deal

You're begging me to take you back
The tears running down your face
But the emotions have frozen within me
And I'm in a different place.

A place where I don't have to care
About how hard you're trying
And all I can think as I turn away
Is that for once I'm not crying


4. When you shivered in that restroom we used to share.
I gave you my shirt to crease, I crossed my arms around your waist.
And we dreamt of a better place.... I was always colder.
When you approached those men in the streets, off your face.

I wished their vile stares away, I took you by your shaky hand.
And I'd spent my last pound....
So we slept in that shelter?
Do you remember?

When we went away, and walked the moonlit shore,we got sand between our toes,and we made love in the hotel room,you snored softly in the silence....I told you I loved you?

When you never came home that night after we argued, I even phoned your mothers place, and searched the drunken streets.
You left that ring I gave you on the sheets.... I kept the receipt.
Do you remember when I loved you?
I don't remember when you loved...

5. No expensive giftsnor pompous aubadecould matchthat tiny note, left in a rushSo infinitely precious:"I love you"Just to showhow much you careand think of mealways

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Love SMS Text Messages

Life ends when you stop dreaming,
hope ends when you stop believing
and love ends when you stop caring.
So dream hope and love...
Makes Life Beautiful

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I m going to write on all the bricks
I MISS U and i wish that one falls on ur head,
so that u knows how it hurts
when u miss someone special like u

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How can i spell s_ccess?
or H_mble? C_te?
or Tr_st, Bea_tif_l?
& How can i say I LOVE _?
I MISS _?
I NEED _?

Heyyy!
then how can I spend my LIFE without \"U\"

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(_/)
(=.=)
(")(")
a sweet little rabbit,
just like you,
because I love you!!

kisses...

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Do u know abt d things which live after death?
Eyes- 31mins,
Brain - 10 mins,
legs - 4 hrs,
Skin - 5 days,
Heart - 10 mins,
Bones - 30 days,

LOVE - FOREVER

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How Much Love In Your Heart....?
CHOOOOOSE...
100 % ( Call Me)
50 % ( Sms Me )
25 % ( Only A Ring)
0 % (NO Answer)

Regards !!!!!

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Sometimes My eyes
get jealous of my Heart!!!
You Know Why?
Bcoz.....
You Always Remain
close to my HEART
n far from my EYES.

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Dirty Text Messages

Latest / New Dirty Text Messages, Dirty SMS Messages, Dirty Jokes. Full of Fun Short Dirty Jokes, Dirty Text Messages & Dirty SMS Collection.

a family of 3 prossies live togetherthe mum charges £30 4 a bj the daughter charges £60 + the gran is just glad of a warm drink
jack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick jill's fanny, but poor jack's gob was filled with knob cos jill's a fuckin tranny!
Q: whats a 65 yr old woman got betwwen her legs that a 25 yr old a'int?
A: nipples.
Man goes to the doctors after being raped by an elephant. Doctor says funny that your ass is 10" wide but an elephant's cock is only 3" wide, The man replies yes but the bastard fingered me first!
sex is like a maths test: me plus u subtracked the cloths add the bed divied the legs multiply the orgasms fancy a maths test??
Roses R red, Pickeles R green, Open ur legs, I'll lick U clean.
The fanny poem
This is a hole that never heals, the more you rub it the better it feels, and all the soap from here to hell can never get rid of that fuckin smell!
sex is good
sex is class
whip me baby
spank my arse
doggy style 69
lick me out
make me smile
if u want me in the sac
lick ur lips and txt me back
Why is a woman like a bucket of KFC?Because once your past the tender breast and the juicey thigh all u have left is a greasy box to put your bone in!
Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"
After great sex she lies there stroking his *beep*, he looks at her and asks if she wants more sex, she looks back at him and says "no im just admirin ur *beep* cuz i really miss mine"
John & Jim were having anal sex when John says "I've AIDS". "Dear God" cries Jim. "Only messing says John, I just love the way u tighten your arse when I say it"
there is hot sex.fast sex.group sex.safe sex.leather sex.telephone sex and for people wiv a face like urs theres.............masturbation
Latest porn releases:shaving private ryan.position impossible.as big as it gets.forest hump.riding miss daisy.starwhores and pornocchio
Mr&Mrs Blobby r lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 mr bloby & says 'bluba lluba lupblub' mr bloby turns & says 'shut the fuck up and swallow bitch!
The weight of an average pair of tits is 1.5 kg. Scientists have yet 2 work out the average weight of a cunt. So if u could pop on the scales and ring me back..
When I was a girl I had a little quim. I sat upon my bed one nite & put a finger in. Now I'm a woman and full of grace & Charm. I can get 4 fingers in & half my FUCKING arm
oral sex can be so fine
when ur in a 69
u start 2 moan
shake & quiver
til u cum like a river
when ur done
don't be insane
just wipe ur knob & start again
What's the difference between your job and your wife?Your job still
sucks after five years!

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