Redneck Jokes 101308

1. You might just be a redneck if your porch collapses and kills more than 5
dogs.

2. Why is Alabama the smartest state in the U.S.?
It has four "A"'s and a "B".

3. You know you are a redneck when the only pool u have is a sees pool.

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Dumb Blonde Jokes 100808

1. A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.
The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"
She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"

2. A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said, "I hate all the blonde jokes people tell."
"Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
They went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.
The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See! That guy was really stupid."
"No kidding," replied the blonde. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

3. Several weeks ago, we hired a new blonde secretary who wasn't the
brightest crayon in the box. One day when she was typing, she turned
to another secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What
do I do?"

"Just use the copier machine paper," the other responded. With that,
the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier, and proceeded to make five blank copies.

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Love Text Messages 100708

1. I hope she crashes and burns,
Literally, I hope she dies.
Not only because she will be gone,
But because I want to see you cry.

2. I got to get to where yooh are;
Could yooh be my shooting star?

3. You never leave my mind, even when I have a million things to worry about.

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Funny Text Messages 100608

1. Patient: Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
Doctor: When did you first notice this problem?
Patient: What problem?

2. Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

3. How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

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Famous Quotes: John F. Kennedy 100408

1. So, let us not be blind to our differences - but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be resolved.

2. The ancient Greek definition of happiness was the full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

3. The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

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Sad Love Poems 100308

1. An angel may have its wings for flight but for it to be free it needs your love to let it go.

2. I wish I could wake up to a warm smile,
Instead of being yelled at,
I wish I could be held,
Instead of being pushed away,
I wish he could love me,
Instead, Instead... Just instead.

3. When I was fall in love with you that's the time when I also start to feel hurt.

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Funny Text Messages 100208

1. My wife, a flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversize luggage.

"When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I don't have this problem."

My wife smiled, "When you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."

2. A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment.

"What happened" asked the doctor.

"Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV," began the man.

"She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron."

The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?"

"Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the man, "when the same guy called again."

3. Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said
solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”

“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”

“I don't mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared
spiritually?”

“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

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