Joke Of The Day

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Mom saw the opportunity for a moral lesson and said; "If Jesus was sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait. "Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can have the first chance at being Jesus!"

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Joke Of The Day 06/30/08

A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
A back scratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is dead.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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Love Poems a429-a431

a429: Love might be impossible to find
but once you find it, it'll always be on your mind.
- Fabiola Marquez.

a430: Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart.
- Robert Sexton.

a431: Always shattered, never open, nothing matters when your broken, that was me whenever i was with you.
Always ending, always over, back and forth, up and down like a roller coaster, i am breaking that habit, today.
- Its a crazy life but i'm alright.

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Love Poems a426-a428

a426: And when I wake,
I'm right here by your side,
To feel your heart beat in and out of time
- La La xx Bethh.

a427: When i see you smiling just because he is smiling, it erupts a storm in my heart;
i am shattered every time i see you holding his hands, but it is all that i could do to prove... that I LOVE YOU.
- bryan.

a428: Do you feel like you've lost everything you can lose?
This is it, can you hear me?
When you cry do your tears ever choke the room?
Calling out every moment of need.
- Angels & Airwaves.

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Joke Of The Day 06/25/08

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror;

Woman: "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment".
Husband: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

He never heard the shot.

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Sexy Text Messages a426-a428

a426: A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.

They searched them and took the guy’s wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find any jewelry from the girl.

When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter; "Did they take your new diamond ring as well dear?"

"No Papa," replied the girl with a grin, "I managed to hide it when they were searching you."

"Hide it? where?" asked the guy," I saw them search you too."

"I slipped it into my... a... my . . .um.... pee pee place." said the girl shyly.

"Damn!" swore the guy, "If only your mother were here, we could have saved my motor bike!!"
- Rabiul.

a427: Just after World War 2, a reporter was interviewing the head nun of a monastery in Italy regarding her experiences during the war.

"Oh it was terrible, terrible." She cried, "First the Italians raped us all except sister Matilda. Then the Germans raped us all except sister Matilda and then the Americans raped us all except sister Matilda."

"Oh I’m so sorry, it must be very difficult for you." replied the reporter, "But I’m curious, you said they all raped you except sister Matilda. Why didn’t anyone rape sister Matilda?"

"Oh sister Matilda," said the nun, wiping her eye, "She’s not interested in that sort of thing."
- Rabiul.

a428: Two guys John and Eddie were fishing by the banks of a lake. John was catching fish after fish but Eddie was not even getting a nibble.

Finally exasperated, Eddie asked John, "Hey, how come you’re getting so many fish and I’m not getting anything? What am I doing wrong?"

"What are you using for bait?" Asked John.

"Just regular bait, worms." Replied Eddie.

"Man, fish don’t eat worms these days." said John, "You gotta use the right kind of bait to catch fish now a days."

"What are they eating then?" asked Eddie curiously.

"Pussy man, pure pussy meat." said John with a grin.

"Pussy meat? Where’d you get it from?"

"Well, I know a guy who works in the morgue and whenever they get a dead body of a girl, he collects the pussy and sells it to me as fish bait." Explained John, "And man it works like magic. Fish can’t seem to get enough of it."

"Hmm..." said Eddie with a frown, "But I notice you keep sniffing the bait before you put it on the hook. Do you really have to smell the pussy?"

"Well...um..." replied John with a grin, "The guy from the morgue, he’s a real crook. Every now and then he tries to slip in an asshole."
- Rabiul.

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Love Poems a423-a425

a423: If I were peanut butter you would be jelly;
If I were a rose you would be the pettles;
If I were the fat kid you would be the food;
If I were Piglet you would be pooh;
but most of all If I were me I would love you;
because you are you.
- sabrina.

a424: I know I should be happy, because he loves me too.
But what kills me is the fact he said we cannot be together because of the distance.
- Adriana.

a425: I can wish for the Sun, Moon, and the Stars; All I can see heavenly. But above all them I will only wish for you and for me that is Heaven!
- LoveNLife.

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