Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Chinese Proverbs 100108

. Tuesday, September 30, 2008 .

1. The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger - but recognize the opportunity. A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

2. A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.

3. A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Sexy Jokes 093008

. Monday, September 29, 2008 .

1. Superman was flying over a nude beach when he noticed Wonder Woman sunbathing.
Being faster than a speeding bullet he decides that he can screw her quick
without her knowing. So he swoops down does his business. Wonder Woman jumps up
and says "what the hell was that?", the Invisableman replies "I don't know but
my ass sure hurts."

2. A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk?
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the
crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and
leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.
Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays,
and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassingly says "I've never done this before. I don't
know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him
and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

3. The manager of an Irish club was talking to a young player who had applied for
a trial with the club. 'Do you kick with both feet?' asked the manager.
'Don't be silly!' said the trialist. 'If I did that, I wouldn't be able to
stand up, would I!’

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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sad Text Messages 092908

. Sunday, September 28, 2008 .

1. There will always be that one special person, that no matter what he/she does to you;
Or how bad she/he hurts you. You can never let that person go.

2. Even though I've stopped liking you, every time someone mentions your name, i turn my head their way;
Its like, I think of all that we could have had;
All that could have happened that didn't.

3. Think of me as you undo her dress,
I hope you hear my voice as you kiss her neck,
and as lust is screaming for release;
I hope to God you're remembering me...

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Inspirational Messages 092708

. Friday, September 26, 2008 .

1. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

2. He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

3. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Famous Quotes: John F. Kennedy 092608

. Thursday, September 25, 2008 .

1. All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin. And therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner!"

2. As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

3. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sad Love Poems 092508

. Wednesday, September 24, 2008 .

1. The truth is behind every guy
that cant or wont love you,
there's usually a girl,
who made him that way,

they realize to not get hurt,
they have to hold something back

2. There is a wound that's always bleeding
There is a road I'm always walking.
And I know you'll never return to this place.

3. Let go when you're hurting too much.
Give up with love if it isn't enough.
Move on when things aren't like before.
And remember, there is someone out there, who will love you eve more...

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dumb Blonde Jokes 092408

. Tuesday, September 23, 2008 .

1. Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.
Brunette: I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes.
Redhead: Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks.
Blonde: I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!

2. Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, 'Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.'
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, 'You don't like getting flowers?'
The redhead says, 'I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.'
The blonde says, 'Don't you have a vase?

3. Down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22 feet Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane at high speed at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Love Text Messages 092308

. Monday, September 22, 2008 .

1. He's got the smile I fell in love with and the arms I want to be held in forever.

2. When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

3. Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
Love me and I may be forced to love you.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Famous Quotes 091908

. Thursday, September 18, 2008 .

1. Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,

The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
Author: Prospero

2. All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
Author: Jaques

3.If music be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
Author: Duke Orsino

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Dumb Blonde Jokes 09

. Wednesday, September 17, 2008 .

1. On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

2. Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

3. Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.
The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

JK Rowling Quotes 091708

. Tuesday, September 16, 2008 .

1. It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

2. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.

3. Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.

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Monday, September 15, 2008

Sad Love Poems 091608

. Monday, September 15, 2008 .

1. The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you'll fall when someone tears thew down.

2. I'm so tired of pretending everything is fine
My tears are starting to show.
And my smile is slowly fading away.

3. Ive tried to ignore the pain that this whole thing causes me,but this is the point that i just cant bear it anymore!

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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sexy Jokes 091508

. Sunday, September 14, 2008 .

1. A man and his wife are driving down the highway having a fight over the husband sleeping with another lady.
The wife takes out a sharp knife and cuts of her husband penis and throws it out the window.
The penis splats onto the windshield of the car that is following and rolls off.
The 14 year old girl riding with her dad says "What was that Dad?" The father says "It was just a bug honey".
The daughter replies "Wow Dad, that bug sure had a big d*ck".

2. Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.

First drunk: "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.

"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."

Second drunk: "So... What's your point?"

First drunk: "Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

3. A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.

The policeman walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"

"Why? Was I weaving all over the road officer?"

"No," replied, the policeman, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."

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Saturday, September 13, 2008

Sad Love Poems 091408

. Saturday, September 13, 2008 .

1. He hits you with that one last promise, & you want it to be the truth so bad. You're looking in his eyes & you're crying, saying "He's not lying." but you know he is.

2. You weren't supposed to mean that much to me and I wasn't supposed to fall in love.

3. We eventually learn, that somethings, you just cant change; and no matter how bad we want it to be, perfect... it all falls apart.

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Famous Quotes: John F. Kennedy 091308

1. The ancient Greek definition of happiness was the full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

2. The great French Marshall Lyautey once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow growing and would not reach maturity for 100 years. The Marshall replied, 'In that case, there is no time to lose; plant it this afternoon!'

3. The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.

- John F. Kennedy

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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sweet Text Messages 091008

. Tuesday, September 9, 2008 .

1. For now your not here with me, and it does hurt, but I know that if you had any choice, you'd be here, just to make me happy, and that's what keeps me going everyday, knowing that you love me, its amazing!
Author: Jillian

2. Maybe I should tell you how I'm feeling. But I don't have the courage to say anything, and you just wouldn't understand.
Author: BeautyInHerSmile

3. She told him she was afraid of falling.
That she was afraid to hit rock bottom.
He smiled and whispered... "don't worry, i have wings"
Author: Aprils Conspiracy

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Monday, September 8, 2008

Inspirational Quotes 090908

. Monday, September 8, 2008 .

1. Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.

2. Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.

3. Entropy isn't what it used to be.

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Saturday, September 6, 2008

Text Messaging Abbreviations 090708

. Saturday, September 6, 2008 .

1. Hw cn luv gntly lift u off ur feet bt cn also roughtly throw u away - How can love gently lift you off your feet but can also roughly throw you away.

2. Lyf w/out u s worthless 2 live - Life without you is worthless to live.

3. Wish i cud tel u now, bt i dn't knw how - Wish i could tell you now, but i don't know how.

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Friday, September 5, 2008

Funny Text Messages 090608

. Friday, September 5, 2008 .

1. Question: What did the penis say to the condom?
Answer: Cover me im going in!

2. Question: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
Answer: Because their plugged into a genius!

3. Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Answer: Mega-saur-ass

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Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sad Love Poems 090508

. Thursday, September 4, 2008 .

1. I try to forget our past we had together, but it just keeps coming back to me and it won't ever leave me.
Because, It's a memory that my heart won't forget at all.

2. You see me moving, you feel my breath, you hear me talking, but it doesn't mean im alive, because the truth is... inside i'm totally dead.
My heart doesn't have a beat since you've been gone.

3. You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you are not part of that happiness.

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Blonde Jokes 090408

1. A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."
"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"
The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"

2. An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.
Office executive: If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?
Blonde: I'd have to say the living one.

3. A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.
So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Short Love Poems 090308

. Tuesday, September 2, 2008 .

1. When you say "I Love You," it floats and drifts in my mind forever.
Author: Justin

2. All i want is for ONE guy to prove to me they're not all the same.
Author: HaYdEnSDrEaMGiRl

3.Sometimes the person you want most is the one you're better off without.
Author: MissingHim

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Monday, September 1, 2008

Couple Jokes 090208

1. One day, Jude and Rose were having a petty argument.
After shouting back and forth, Rose finally says, "Let's make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong."
Jude thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first.
Rose replied, "I'm sorry Jude, I am wrong."
In response, Jude shouts happily, "You're right!"

2. A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting Married?"
Old buddy: Yep!
Senior: Do I know her?"
Old buddy: Nope!
Senior: This woman, is she good looking?
Old buddy: Not really.
Senior: Is she a good cook?
Old buddy: Naw, she can't cook too well.
Senior: Does she have lots of money?
Old buddy: Nope! Poor as a church mouse.
Senior: Well then, is she good in bed?
Old buddy: I don't know.
Senior: Why in the world do you want to marry her then?
Old buddy: Because she can still drive at night!

3. Fred and Tina were thrilled when their long wait to adopt a baby finally came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had an adorable German baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped at the local college so they could enroll in night classes. After they completed filling out the form, the registrar inquired, "What possessed you to study German?"
"We've just adopted a wonderful German baby boy and in a year or so, he'll begin to talk. We want to make sure we're able to understand him!" the couple proudly explained.

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