Sunday, August 31, 2008

Naughty Jokes 090108

. Sunday, August 31, 2008 .

1. A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife
in bed with another man.
Guy: Get over it, buddy,It's not the end of the world.
Buddy: It's all right for you to say, but what
if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
your wife?"
Ponders for a moment, Guy: I'd break his cane
and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass.

2. Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
Pop! What are you doing'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."

3. A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast, the guy: Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to forgive me. She looks at him a few seconds and says, "That's all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 204."

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Saturday, August 30, 2008

Love Quotes 083108

. Saturday, August 30, 2008 .

1. I told you I'd be the biggest mistake you ever made and you didn't believe me but i said the truth and your the one leaving.
Author: Bleeding Tragedy

2. To keep it in or to let it out?
To tell you I love you, but knowing you don't feel the same?
Should I?
Should I lose my heart again?
Author: Phantom

3. Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it didn't work with anyone else.
Author: Amber is Just here

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Friday, August 29, 2008

Famous Quotes: John F. Kennedy 083008

. Friday, August 29, 2008 .

1. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

2. Let us think of education as the means of developing our greatest abilities, because in each of us there is a private hope and dream which, fulfilled, can be translated into benefit for everyone and greater strength for our nation.

3. Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain.

Author: John F. Kennedy

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Thursday, August 28, 2008

Bar Jokes 082908

. Thursday, August 28, 2008 .

1. After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.
What do you think it means?
You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled, The meaning of dreams

2. There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives,
while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then? they asked. She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'.

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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Text Nessaging Abbreviations 082808

. Wednesday, August 27, 2008 .

1. I cnt hlp bt smyl wen m w/ u - I can't help but smile when i'm with you.

2. F i drnk ol of ur ters, wud u stil fel d pain? - If I drank all of your tears would you still feel the pain?

3. Sumtyms d pipol u towt u knw, bcame sum1 els & 2rn on u - Sometimes the people you thought you knew, become someone else and turn on you.

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Sexy Dirty Jokes 082708

1. After a passionate night of making love, the guy rolled over, pulled out a stick of cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he then asked the girl on the bed if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," girl said.
He opened the drawer near table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry and asked.
"Is this your husband?" guy inquired nervously.
"No, silly," girl replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" guy said.
"No, not at all," girl nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

2. The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

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Monday, August 25, 2008

Sad Love Poems 082608

. Monday, August 25, 2008 .

1. I wanted to tell you to show you,
I never meant to hurt you,
I just wanted you to know,
The way I feel when you're hurting me.
Author: Crazy

2. As the blood runs down her face,
You look at her and wonder
If she's ever hurt this bad.
Author: Tess

3. As you feel the final beats of her heart,
Will you regret letting her go?
Author: Tess

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Famous Quotes: John F. Kennedy


1. All of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea -- whether it is to sail or to watch it -- we are going back from whence we came.

2. We need men who can dream of things that never were.

3. The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger - but recognize the opportunity.

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Saturday, August 23, 2008

Inspirational Love Quotes 082408

. Saturday, August 23, 2008 .

1. Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart.
Author: Julie Marie

2. Our true identity is to love without fear and insecurity.
Our higher potential finds us when we set our course in that direction.
The power of love and compassion transforms insecurity.
Author: Doc Childre

3. Love isn't just for the smart of talented, but for all the amimals God created.
Author: Sarah Wonders

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Friday, August 22, 2008

Blonde Jokes 082308

1. A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop. "Oh no!" cried the brunette. "Is he following me?" "Yep," replied the blonde.
"I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette. "Yep," replied the blonde.
"Is the cop still following me?" "Yep."
"Are his lights on?" "Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."

2. A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."

3. A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river. The brunette wants to get across.
She yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The blonde shakes her head and yells back - "People like you really piss me off. You ARE on the other side!"

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Thursday, August 21, 2008

Obama text message

. Thursday, August 21, 2008 .

Want to sign-up for Obama text message? GO to OBAMA (62262).

And start receiving periodic updates from the campaign, events and important updates about Barack's public appearances.

Txt STOP if you want to quit, HELP for help or call 877-822-5093.

To receive specific issue updates, text:

HEALTH to OBAMA (62262)
- healthcare policy updates.

- education policy updates.

IRAQ to OBAMA (62262)
- updates on bringing our troops home.

JOBS to OBAMA (62262)
- economic policy updates.

REFORM to OBAMA (62262)
- updates on cleaning up Washington & taking on special interests.

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Sad Love Poems 082208


1. She may not be the most beautiful girl out there,
but it's that fact that she tries so hard,
smiles although she's hurt and loves you so much,
that makes you just want to hold her tight,
until there's nothing left to hold.

2. When you think about letting go and giving up,
just think about all the reasons,
why you held on for so long.

3. I just wanted to send you a note to ask you to love me.
How can I sleep at night,
with out love holding me?
How can I breathe when my chest is empty?

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Redneck Jokes 082108

1. You might be a redneck if...
Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.
You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.
Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.

2. You might be a redneck if...
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.

3. You might be a redneck if...
Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
You've ever been arrested for loitering.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sweet Text Messages 082008

. Tuesday, August 19, 2008 .

1. Love doesn't only require love but it requires love with sacrifice.
Author: Krishna

2. Don't look with your eyes for what your heart will find.
Author: Little Lisa

3. I get restless, and its senseless how you never seem to care.
On: Ashley Simpson - Pieces of Me

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Monday, August 18, 2008

Blonde Jokes 081908

1. A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender,
Blind guy: Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says,
Guy: Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
Blind guy: Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

2. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said
Driver: You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!
Friend: I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her.

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Sad Love Poems 081908


1. You hurt me so much, but i still stuck around.
they say i deserve so much better, but i think to myself, maybe i dont want better.
Author: Lost4life

2. It's easier to just let things take its course,
no use trying to make things happen,
no use putting all you're effort into it,
because in the end,
some things just aren't meant to be.
Author: Desired love

3. You don't know you love someone until you realize they won't be there anymore.
Author: Desired love

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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Text Messaging Abbreviations 081708

. Sunday, August 17, 2008 .

1. Luv s tsteless, bt y daz d truth hurts? - Love is tasteless, but why does the truth hurts?

2. Mu msk mst b dat gud, my scars xplaind nothng 2 no 1. - My mask must be that good, my scars explained nothing to no one.

3. Its d way u make me laf wen i dnt evn wnt 2 smyl - Its the way you make me laugh when i dont even want to smile.

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Friday, August 15, 2008

Funny Jokes 081608

1. I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.....

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt

2. Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that, he's worried about getting real seasick.
The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."
Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?"
The doctor says,"No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."

3. Q: What's the best thing about turning 65?
A: No more calls from insurance salesmen.

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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Love Poems 081508

. Thursday, August 14, 2008 .

1. Saying "I moved on" is so easier than acctually doing it.
Author: BrOkEn2mAnYtImEs

2. Here in my heart,
words is not enough;
To say what I feel not even half,
Hear my heartbeat say to you;
I always love you through and through.
Author: Geola Soldivillo

3. I'm staring like there's no tomorrow;
You know what I am thinking of?
Right before your eyes,
I fell inlove with you;
And right before my eyes,
You said you love me too.
Author: Geola Soldivillo

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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Redneck Jokes 081408

. Wednesday, August 13, 2008 .

1. A redneck walks into a lawyers office and tells him he wants one of them dayvorces.
Lawyer: Well, sir, do you have grounds?
Redneck: Yep. I have me about 150 acres.
Lawyer: No, I mean do you have a case?
Redneck: Nope, but I have me a real nice John Deere."
Lawyer: Well, does she beat you up?
Redneck: Nah, we both get up at 5:30.
Lawyer: Well, is she a nagger?
Redneck: Nope, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want a dayvorce!"

2. A redneck cowboy rides into a town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and the dog under the shade of a tree. The Redneck cowboy goes into the bar for a cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The Redneck cowboy tells him that its his.
Policeman: Your dog is in heat.
Redneck cowboy: No way the dogs in heat; he's cool, cause he's tied under the shade of the tree.
Policeman: No, you don't understand, your dog needs to be bred.
Redneck cowboy (shakes his head): No way the dog needs bread, he's not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning.
Policeman (finally gets mad): Look, your dog wants to have sex.
Redneck cowboy (looks at the Policeman): Go ahead, I always wanted a police-dog.

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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Love Poems 081308

. Tuesday, August 12, 2008 .

1. Did you ever think for just one second that maybe, just maybe, I did all the things I do, because I care about you?
Author: Cass

2. Every seconds im not with you is hell, and I fall everytime and I don't know why?
You just keep me guessing;
I guess that's why i love you so much.
Author: Emo Kisses

3. I pray that these days will go by fast, so that it will go slower when I come back to you.
Author: Jessica Meno

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Monday, August 11, 2008

Naughty Joke 081208

. Monday, August 11, 2008 .

Kissing is a pleasure
F**king is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
He says he loves you, and you believe it is true
Until your belly starts to swell and he says hell with you.
10 minutes of pleasure, 9 months of pain
3 days in hospital, a child without a name
The baby is a b*stard
The mother is a wh*re
This never would have happened if the rubber had not tore.

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Sunday, August 10, 2008

Love Poem 081108

. Sunday, August 10, 2008 .

1. The guy that every girl wants is that randomn dude you see walking around with his freinds who suddenly stops talking and looks at you and smiles.
Author: Savannah

2. Why does love come back when you're ready to forget?
Why does it continue to grow even if you get badly hurt?
Maybe because, it's just like that;
It always brings out the stupid part in you.
Author: Jha

3. Bed is just a material thing;
Until someone you meet gives it the best meaning.
Author: Jha

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Friday, August 8, 2008

Funny Jokes 080908

1. R des ur eys, i fund dem betwen my brest. - Are these your eyes, I found them between my breasts!

2. B frndly w/ ur kds, dey chus ur home wen u r old. - Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

3. Xssesive u's of alcohol cn led 2 a pregnancy. - Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

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Thursday, August 7, 2008

Bar Jokes 080808

. Thursday, August 7, 2008 .

1. A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one
Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.
The cop walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving all over the road officer?"
"No," replied, the cop, "You were driving splendidly.
It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."

2. The distressed-looking man had downed several drinks in rapid succession before the bartender asked him, "you trying to drown your sorrows, buddy?"
"you could say that," the guy replied.
"it usually doesn't work, you know."
"no suc*," the man moaned. "i can't even get my wife anywhere near the water!"

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Text Messaging Abbreviations 080708

1. I12 spnd D nyt w/u - I want to spend the night with you.

2. luvA....I wntU NcyD me agn...soon! - Love you, I want you inside me again... soon.

3. i wsh U wr a door thN i cUd bang yall dy lng - I wish you were a door then, I could bang you all day long.

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Sexy Text Messages 080608

. Tuesday, August 5, 2008 .

1. You are the fire burning inside of me; you are my passion for life.

2. I want to evoke such a passion within you that leaves us both breathless.

3. Can you come over here and give me a good rub down?

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Monday, August 4, 2008

Sad Love Poems 080508

. Monday, August 4, 2008 .

We all believe, if only because we must, that love can be found. Some of us - maybe most of us - have discovered it can also be lost.

No one is happy all of the time, but some people feel as if they can never find happiness. Some people feel as if their entire life is devoted to nothing but pain and hurt and loneliness. Every day is a struggle, and every breath a fight for survival. These people have a deep understanding of the word Depression.

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Angels Messages 080408


Angels can fly because they take things lightly.
Author: Unknown

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Sunday, August 3, 2008

dirty text messages 080408

. Sunday, August 3, 2008 .

1. When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy.
When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who's the handsome dude behind him.
But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped.

2. An 80-year-old millionaire man engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old sexy model.
He see his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date.
The doctor looks him over and says, "Bill, you are completely healthy but I must tell you just one thing."
"What's that doc?", asks the millionaire.
"At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care, it could be really deadly" the doctor said.
Bill thinks for a couple of minute and then says, "What the hell, if she dies, she dies."

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Saturday, August 2, 2008

Sad Love Poems 080308

. Saturday, August 2, 2008 .

1. What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Author: Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. I keep thinking of you and I wish on a star that, somewhere, you are thinking of me, too!
Author: Unknown

3. I have found men who didn't know how to kiss.
I've always found time to teach them.
Author: Mae West

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Friday, August 1, 2008

Blonde Jokes 080208

1. Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a blonde sitting by herself.
Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Lady: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
Lady: "No, they spread!"

2. A blonde goes to get her hair cut.
The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?"
The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"

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