Redneck Jokes 081408

1. A redneck walks into a lawyers office and tells him he wants one of them dayvorces.
Lawyer: Well, sir, do you have grounds?
Redneck: Yep. I have me about 150 acres.
Lawyer: No, I mean do you have a case?
Redneck: Nope, but I have me a real nice John Deere."
Lawyer: Well, does she beat you up?
Redneck: Nah, we both get up at 5:30.
Lawyer: Well, is she a nagger?
Redneck: Nope, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want a dayvorce!"

2. A redneck cowboy rides into a town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and the dog under the shade of a tree. The Redneck cowboy goes into the bar for a cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The Redneck cowboy tells him that its his.
Policeman: Your dog is in heat.
Redneck cowboy: No way the dogs in heat; he's cool, cause he's tied under the shade of the tree.
Policeman: No, you don't understand, your dog needs to be bred.
Redneck cowboy (shakes his head): No way the dog needs bread, he's not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning.
Policeman (finally gets mad): Look, your dog wants to have sex.
Redneck cowboy (looks at the Policeman): Go ahead, I always wanted a police-dog.